When I Was Little

When I was little, I thought about my future a lot. Like most kids, I imagined the perfect love and the perfect job and the perfect life. And I wanted it with all my heart. I knew how I would live and I was excited for it to begin.

I have not experienced earth shattering love. I do not have an amazing job – in fact, it involves quite a lot of photocopying. I certainly have not sailed through life with tons of friends, good fashion sense, or straight A’s. What I do have is anxiety. I have more curves than I would like. I have frizzy hair and no impulse control. Perhaps ten years ago I would have been devastated.

But, you know what? I also have a large collection of books. I have a family that would conquer the world for me. I have some pretty cool tattoos and good quality rum in the pantry. I’ve watched waves crash against a Greek beach at midnight and held hands with a beautiful woman.

It is not revolutionary that life has not turned out how I planned. I make no claim to some world-changing revelation about such discoveries. I am not the first person who has learned lessons about the way plans and desires change. That does not make it any less life-changing for me.

I do not know what the next ten years will hold, or the ten after that. It might not be what I plan, it might not make sense. And it doesn’t have to. But I do know this: it’s going to be a fucking amazing ride.


Personification of a Theory about Friendship

My theory buys me my favorite coffee order, and it makes the whole day brighter. When there’s a bad time, my theory sits outside and talks about life, shapes it into something I can handle again, even when being eaten alive my mosquitos. My theory texts me from right across the table, because some things are better shared as secrets. I watch movies with my theory, even when we can’t be together. We share a screen and a story and for a moment we are together again. My theory sends me used books, little pieces of her soul scribed on the title page, mingling new words with old.

My theory gives me reasons to wake up in the morning and feelings to stir my numb heart and ideas to cherish.

My theory is kindness. Faith. Love.